The Snap Back

During my last conversation with my mentor I was warned of a potential snap back. Not even two day later I woke up in the morning with the familiar pain in my stomach but this time the pain seared through me with greater intensity. After going to bathroom I was left a crumpled ball moaning at the foot of the bed. The nausea started to roll in as I fumbled around for the blue vomit bags that I kept near the bed. I am grateful I was able to grab one in time as my stomach heaved. By this point my husband was rubbing my back and my girls looked in with concern.

The next two days were a blur of darkness in the cave that was our bedroom. The Beast would come join me to nurse. Poor thing didn’t understand why she couldn’t have mommy on demand as she was use to.

Day three arrived and I headed to the Emergency Room to get much needed fluids. It was a Monday and the waiting room was packed and too bright. I sat hunched over waiting for my name to be called. The wait seemed endless. My name was called and my vitals were checked. I was handed a cup to pee in and told to head down the hall to get labs done. The walk down the short hallway took a lot of effort. My body hunched over as I hobbled feeling much older than I am. Staff whizzed by me as I trudged to the bathroom and then the lab.

Once I made my way back to the waiting room, I sat again waiting – wanting so badly the darkness and to lay down. My name was called again. The Physician’s Assistant took me to a small hallway off to the side of the waiting room. I couldn’t take standing any longer. My body crumpled to the ground and curled up into a ball. She explained there were no available beds at this time. She could give me oral Zofran while I waited. I lost it at that point. The gate opened and the tears burst forth. I sobbed telling her I cannot even keep a sip of water down and how the hell was I going to take a pill. I also explained that Zofran does not work on me. I sobbed telling her I had small children and I am a caregiver. I never ask for help but I needed it now. There was no sympathy or kind words. I’d just have to wait.

I felt the world crashing around me. I hobbled my hunched broken body outside into the darkness. There, I sat on the curb near a women sleeping on a bench and a man who looked like he’d seen some shit rubbing her back. I sobbed into the phone to my husband. Just wanting to go home and back to the comfort of our bed. At this point a security guard came out to “ check” on the women seen stumbling out of the ER (me). I sobbed to him telling him I just need fluids. He left me alone grumbling that he would check the wait time (he never did).

After awhile I collected myself the best I could and headed back in. I parked my butt on the floor near the door. It wasn’t as bright and the tv noise was less. I waited some more and was finally called back.

I crawled into the bed as a nurse prepared the IV. After it was in place she was kind enough to get me a warm blanket. The PA steps back in saying she wants to try the Zofran. I had no fight left in my being. I allowed her to push the medication into the IV and she left. As the medication entered my body my stomach pain raged with increasing intensity. The nausea heightened. My body groaned as the vomiting restarted. My whole being just wanted to die. I couldn’t take this pain any longer. Moaning and vomiting and wanting to just die already.

After awhile a nurse came to check on me and saw the amount of pain I was in. She offered Morphine and Reglan to help the nausea. Once those drugs were on board the pain ceased and the nausea was at bay.

Before the second bag was fully finished I was unhooked and discharged. Told to take Reglan as needed and was sent on my way.

This episode lasted a week. A week in bed vomiting. Dropping weight very fast (about ten pounds). The Reglan left me with a crazy vision of people standing over my bed. Not sure what they were doing but they were there. Later, on my own, I figured out what was going on with me. That is another story for another day.